So, you’re recently back to the dating world or you have been single for a lifetime or somewhere in between. Wherever you fall into it there is that little voice inside telling you that you’re a failure. “You fail at dating.” “I’m a failure at life.” “Maybe no-one wants you because you are a failure.” Honestly, we have all had these thoughts at one stage or another while struggling with being single. The best part about those thoughts is they are not true. There is a multitude of reasons that you have ended up single at this current time. But that last relationship wasn’t your only chance. There are plenty people who live life by the motto that each no brings you closer to a yes.
Reasons You’re Not a Relationship Failure
Simple answer to this one is nothing. Our society today is filled with people who like to remind you that your time is running short after all life is only successful when you have started a family. There is so much to life that this isn’t always everyone’s journey. If it is for you and you are feeling left behind when everyone else, it seems is settling down. There are a few things you should know about those people who just seem to land on that fairy tale so quickly. First thing most of them will be divorced in two years. Secondly the others will only post the good stuff on social media and behind closed doors be a different story. Thirdly the ones that do work do exactly that they work. They work hard, they communicate, they take care of each other and what seems like a relationship that flows along nicely has a lot of work go into it.
When will I know?
There are so many variables on this question that it is hard to know. But the best thing you can do is treat the relationship search like you are an employer. Know what you want. Also know what you can compromise on. We all have doubts about where we are going and who is the right person to take that journey with. But you will know because they will be the person you feel most comfortable with.
Why do things keep not working out?
The main reason this can keep happening is the pressure. Society puts pressure on you to find someone. You put pressure on yourself. They will have pressure on themselves to make things go right. Their parents put pressure to make sure you are taking care of their pride and joy. And your friends put pressure on him to make sure he isn’t going to treat you like any of those previous guys. But sometimes things just don’t work. Unfortunately, there is no clear-cut formula on how to make a relationship work if there was it would be a much easier world to live in. But the main thing to remember is that you are not a failure and it is not your fault if things don’t work out. To sound a little cliché, it takes two to tango.
Treat dating a little less seriously. If you are looking for the one you want to spend the rest of your life with you want to be comfortable and be able to have fun with them. A few things to tell yourself before you get back out there: “There is nothing wrong with me. This is just a fun night out and worst case I have had a night out and met someone new. If it goes well it goes well.” Remind yourself the right person will be worth the wait